This is
madness, it’s MADNESS I TELL YOU!!! Ok, I did plagiarize this from Phoebe
Buffet from Friends but who can blame
me? It’s a classic and also pretty accurately sums up the thoughts I’ve mainly
had while going around Lima in these first couple weeks. It’s lawless, it’s
chaotic, it’s bordering on torture. I’m talking, of course, about the traffic
here.
Now you might think “Isn’t that a
bit over the top?” but let me assure you I am exactly as passionate about
it as the situation requires. Figuring out traffic and the etiquette will take
any new visitor a fair amount of time. Here’s what I found out so far:
If
you’re worried about boredom, don’t be. You’ll have a concert of horns honking
accompanying you wherever you go 24/7. The speed limit is however fast traffic allows you to go. If traffic is low you zoom
through Lima, no questions asked. That includes ignoring speed bumps and the
like, so you’re gonna’ be thrown around the bus like you’re on a very rocky
rollercoaster. This is helped by the fact that you never break until it is
absolutely necessary, lest you have to let another car cut in front of you.
Now, the (good?) thing is you usually don’t have to worry about that, for there
are very few hours a day when the streets are not completely clogged. So if you have an appointment think about
how long it might take you to get to your destination… and then add 1 – 1.5
hours.
So, all you Europeans: Patience. That being said, good luck figuring out
how the hell to get to your
destination in the first place. Take a bus or van, of course, which is the only
public transport. Thing is, the writing on the sides of the buses only give you
a broad idea where they are headed. Sometimes buses with the same writing will
go different routes and sometimes the exact same bus or van might decide to
change their route for no apparent reason. Schedules and route maps don’t exist.
But hey, you can always ask if they are going to the specific place you’d like
to end up in… if you speak Spanish. There’s barely a person here that talks
English. And even if you speak Spanish there is no guarantee that they
understand you or care, as long as you get in and pay the fare.
In short the
whole traffic and public transport situation is one big adventure-mystery tour.
I LOVE IT!
I could
write much more about traffic but let’s get on to the next – and last – topic
for today. Of course that is because I know that most of you readers are super
busy and have much better things to do than read a book on traffic. (Except for
you Kira, you’re just lazy) But mostly it’s because I don’t feel like writing
for too much longer.
So far I
have managed one trip outside of Lima. Naturally I have also roamed Lima quite
a bit, but the description of it’s various districts would lead too far for this
post, or any one single post at that. So I’ll spread that out over several
updates whenever something special is going on in one of the neighborhoods.
The looong
day trip brought me to “Las Islas
Ballestas” and “Huacachina”. Both
are cities in the desert – as is Lima, by the way – and two of the more
frequented spots by tourists. The tour got me a little bit further on my
lifelong journey to skin cancer, fucked up my camera, and earned me a free
bottle of wine. But let’s start at the beginning. At 5:30 am we left Lima
towards Paracas in a way too small bus for an average European-sized person.
Four very uncomfortable hours later we’d made it to the starting point to the “Islas Ballestas”. I’m gonna keep this
part rather short, since I kinda stole that from Lisa. For 20 minutes we made
our way to the island in a speed boat where you can marvel at humbold penguins, sea lions and,
if you’re lucky (which I was), dolphins. The ride got pretty windy and chilly,
so if you looked around you could see another rare species. The orange human turtle. Nobody was dressed
warm enough, so all passengers were sticking every body part they could manage
inside their orange life vests.
On the way to the Island we passed “El Candelabro”, a supersized drawing in
the sand reminiscent of the more famous Nazca Lines. Although I don’t quite
know why they call it the chandelier. I don’t know if they even had those back
then. In all likelihood it’s a cactus, but who am I to judge? Anyway those old indigenous people must have been really bored. Who takes time to make
such a gigantic thing (180m long, 60m wide, up to 3,2m deep)??? Afterwards we
got back on the bus and drove to Ica, famous for their wine and especially
pisco, the national drink. We got a quick tour of how the stuff is made and
then enjoyed a wine tasting. One of the wines is said to be a natural viagra and they sell fitting but inappropriate souvenirs. We got only very small portions of each drink, though.
Not like the tastings Prof. Merten arranges. And probably it’s better that way,
too.
Next up, Huacachina. It is an oasis in the middle of the desert, where we
went racing around the huge dunes in buggies. Rollercoaster, baby! Finally we
got out of the dune buggies for a bit and tried our hand at sand boarding. And
when I say sand boarding I mean, we were allowed to lie down on the board like
on a sled and then slide down the dunes. It looked mighty uncool, but was quite
fun for the short time it lasted. Sadly it did destroy my camera. There was so
much sand in my pockets afterwards that a bit got into my camera bag and
“disabled” the flash function.
But well “En bissl Schwund isch imma”.
On the
way back to Lima, the tour guides walked around asking for people who had taken
selfies with the “Candelabro”, an
oddly specific thing to ask. I also saw one of the guides get out a bottle of
wine in the front of the bus. And with a little delay I found a photo of me
with the sand-painting. Wasn’t really a selfie but it could be one if you don’t
look at it too closely. So, yes I cheated. Of course I did. In war and love all
is fair and I love alcohol. And I will fight anyone who tries to take it from
me. Needless to say, I won.
Desert View Huachachina Inappropriate Souvenir
Prize-winning "selfie" Selfie of myself after the trip
